six months ago my mom died, well, my mom was semi alert, on a respirator, with copd, emphysima and lung cancer?

Question

her doctor told me and my three sisters that we should let my mom GO! The doctor never told our mom know that she had advanced cancer in one of her lungs, and none of us girls had the gutts to tell our mom ourselves. The morning of that evening that we were going to let mommy go, she had 45 mins of steady eye contact with my youngest sister. So with my mom being able to communicate so long with my little sister, it makes me wonder if it was a bad move to give her leathel amounts of morhpine and then shut off the respirator. Our mom stated not long before she had gotten this bad, that she did not want to die. Even though my mom could have given one of my sisters or myself the authority to make that discison for her, yet we didn't get it done. I was here in Florida and they were all up in Georgia, where my mom was. I believed that we should let mommy go, I was up in Georgia the week before to spend with my mom, then me and my husband and I came back to florida to take care of a few things, two days later my sister told me that it was time to let mommy go. this was also before I knew that she was able to communicate with my little sister for a good period of time. I am not laying any of this on my sisters, like I said, just days before i had agreed that we should let mommy go. Plain and simple, I shutter that I may have let mom go, when the respirator was shut off, it took mommy only 5 mins to pass away, I feel like I had her put down like you would your pet, It haunts me that we were responsible for helping mommy die. Help, my heart hurts me so much, and it isn't something that you can go back and change my mind, mommy's gone, and I HATE IT AND IT HURTS SO MUCH!!! IF THERE IS A THERAPIST OUT THERE PLEASE COMMENT. AND YOU CAN E-MAIL ME AT:
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Answer 1

Sweety, don't do this, we all do this stuff to ourselves & some have worst stories than others....I had a near death experience when I was about 10 & it was the most peaceful feeling in the world. I know it showed me what happens when we die....we are all going to make this transistion.....it was her time to do that...none of us want our loved ones to suffer when it is our time...we all need a way to go...an accident, an illness, old age, murder, suicide, all kinds of ways to go but we have to have a way....if we keep thinking about what happened on that path we make ourselves miserable. I don't know if you have children yet but a mother never wants her child to be upset. I have a son that is 30 & I don't want him upset when I die....I want him happy. your mother is fine....she is traveling around without the body...the body is like a coat we just take it off & are free....she is so at ease now....we are in school (life) we came here to have experiences & we do that when we take a class or a job or join a club & that is what we are doing, experiencing life....when the Dr. said to let her go it had nothing to do with you....she was going anyway....he did the best he could but saying that to you had nothing to do with you letting her go....now you have to see she is still with you but you have to think about what you are here for & do that....living in joy....it doesn't matter what happened before she left....she is fine.....now you have to see she is fine she is in this other reahlm with all the people who have went before her....I don't know how old she was but Robert Redford left this year & Bernie Mac & Issac Hayes I just saw a movie with them both in it & tons & tons of people & they are all Ok so think of all the people throughout history that she can see now. She will great other people so even when you met people who leave now & they never met her she can still greet them...You are going to be OK, don't go there anymore in thinking about the Dr. hospital, illness think good thoughts about how happy she is & how happy you call can be NOW. You can choose to hurt or you can choose to heal but no one can do it for you.

Answer 2

I am not a therapist but deal with this frequently. You did not "put her down" and you need to change your mindset about this. By making the decision that you and your sisters did, you were saving her from more pain and suffering and it sounds like the machines were the only things keeping her alive. When there is no hope of recovery, you gave her the greatest gift you could give - a peaceful death. It takes a lot of strength for people to come to this decision and they should never second guess themselves when they know in their heart that this was the best thing possible for your mother. To keep her alive, on machines, for any additional time would have been cruel. You gave her the opportunity to end her suffering and she is now in a better place. Keep telling yourself this until you believe it and stop telling yourself you killed her because there is no truth in that. It was a kind, necessary decision.

Answer 3

You and your sisters did the right thing. Your mother had everything against her. Lung cancer, COPD, emphysema. Stop and think this one thought, If my mother were still alive, what kind of quality of life would she have? My own mother had a massive stroke. There was no quality of life. I agreed to push the morphine in the final hours. I dont regret my decision. My mother is at peace, and so is your mother. Accept this and embrace it. Your mother would thank you and she would not like you feeling guilty for things beyond your control. may God be with you

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mother.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Your mother was dying and the doctor advised you to the appropriate action. You say your mom was semi alert but im not too sure about that, retained eye contact might not mean anything. But I suggest forgetting all that, this is a fact of life, there is no blame to go around. Stuff happens.



Also, its been 6 months.

I know for sure you mom would not want you to be dwelling on her passing. She wants you to live life and have fun.

(at least, I know thats what my mom would be thinking)

Answer 5

Sorry for your lost of a Mom,but you made the right decision,cancer is very painful even though they had her out of pain for the most,and her cancer was beyond help and to survive,like I said it is very painful and that is why morhpine is used and it helps you to go easy.and less painful,I know it doesn't make you feel better because you lost the most precious a Mom and also you would want Mom in that kind of pain.

Answer 6

I'm not a therapist but my father had lung cancer, emphysema and asbestosis. My mother felt guilty because she gave him the morphine and he passed not too long after that. Your mother was suffering and she's not suffering anymore. So, remember the good times and stop beating yourself because it's no one's fault. Cancer can cause a lot of pain. Good Luck!

Answer 7

seek professional advise from a mental health counselor not the internet. You need to talk to someone.